Me: "this is so unfair - I do so good 90% of the time at home. I'm at a nice restaurant with foods I'd never have the chance to eat at home. I should be able to try some of this stuff.
Me: "No Carrie, you have to stick to it. You're never going to see changes if you don't practice some restraint."
Me: "Great. Then I NEVER get to enjoy a nice dinner out? Look at that amazing bread right there, just one piece won't hurt anyone"
Me: "oookay then...go ahead and do it, but just this once"
Me: "awesome! (picks up bread and eats it. and it's delicious). Well, I mean, now that I pretty much blew the whole diet, I may as well order that amazing dish right there complete with potatoes, bread and rice. Oh....and after dinner, I may as well partake in that ice cream list"
Me: shaking head with disgust.
And this goes on and on, every day of my vacation. It's impossible to follow the diet without feeling like I'm somehow missing out on some great culinary piece of travel - yet if I succumb I have to deal with my conscience that shames me.
My lovely boyfriend doesn't see the big deal, he thinks that anything is ok in moderation. And he's right. Except every time I spend a few days with him we go out to dinner. And eating out as much as we like to eat out means its not moderate at all.
ANYWAY.....waa waa waa. I came home from Canada, I still weigh 135, went immediately on a camping trip. HAD to eat Smores. Fell even further off the diet. Then went back on right away at the beginning of this past week. I didn't record my calories, I just followed the same general input as usual, but maybe eating 4 nuts instead of 20, one egg instead of 2 in the morning. Stuff like that. Yesterday I weighed 132. But today I was 135 again. Stupid. And of course, last night was a wedding so I drank - today is a goodbye luncheon so I'm sure I'll eat off course a bit - and tomorrow is a trip to Wisconsin. Guess this would be easier if I didn't like to go out, didn't like to try new and awesome restaurants, didn't have any interest in socialization, which almost invariably leads to eating and drinking in some form.
Oh...and another disheartening thing. I went bathing suit shopping this week. Uh....yeah. Tim and I are going to the Wisconsin Dells tomorrow to hit up a water park. Haven't gone to a water park since Wet Willies in St.Louis. However, my current 2 piece is a bit flimsy and wouldn't hold up to slides and chutes and whatnot. So I decided I would buy a tankini this time, so that I don't have to worry about belly flab as I double over in my innertube on the lazy river for 2 hours. :-) So I tried on bathing suits and I wasn't that horrified with what I saw. I like my size and much of my body is pretty firm. Except there were these 3 way mirrors and bad lighting in this dressing room and I saw angles I wish I had never seen. Angles and light that revealed something that is increasing steadily with age. CELLULITE. Why god WHY do women have to deal with cellulite???!!!??? It's all over the place, mostly on my legs and butt. I wish god would be fair and give it to everyone, instead of giving it just to a few people.
I guess the good thing about this last week was, however, that I feel great. Besides being blinded by cellulite in a bathing suit, I'm pleased with how I look in clothes. My moods are amazingly positive. I blasted through my workouts with tons of left over energy. Relaxed. So I guess i can't really ask for much more.
Except for that cellulite to go away. Just saying.
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